Be Cool

Pinoy cool Posted 07:22pm (Mla time) May 20, 2005 By Katrina HoligoresInquirer News Service Editor's Note: Published on Page C2 of the May 21, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
NOBODY really wants to admit to being baduy. In fact, I still have to find the exact English translation of the word. Maybe the closest would be uncool.
Most of us want to be cool or at least be deemed cool, popular or hip. There are those who say they are rebels, not realizing that, in their rebellion, they are, of course, still wanting to be cool.
Does that make any sense? Sure it does. We would be hard pressed to find someone who does not care to be a model of baduy-ness. Wanting to be different or not part of a crowd doesn't mean you DON'T want to be cool. In fact, NOT being part of a crowd could make you the absolute icon of cool.
(Yawn) Really. Enough. The last thing I'm sure you need is a lesson on what's cool and what's not. Besides, I'm not an expert on either; I just know what I like, whether it's en Vogue or en Liwayway.
Theme for this weekend is Filipino pride, and yes there is a lot to be proud of but I don't want to talk about the usual. When asked what makes the Philippines beautiful, you will probably hear: Boracay's white sands, Banaue's rice terraces, Bohol's Chocolate Hills and butanding-watching in Donsol, Sorsogon. Truly a list that meets international standards (applause). I hope none of the above gets crossed out of the list for environmental reasons and people's apathy.
Now, here is my own list: beauty pageants, bading speak, bideoke (ok, I'm pushing it) and Bulagaan 2005. Ah, I can see eyes roll. I do feel MY list also extols true beauty.
Now before you stop reading, allow me to defend my choices.
PageantsWhat I am most proud of about being part of a race that has gone through more than its share of coups (huh again?) and EDSA movements (huh again?) is its sense of humor.
Honestly, beauty pageants are probably among the most entertaining forms of gaming known to people. From the minute a child can walk it should also be able to wear a tiara and a sash. Gender is irrelevant; there are more than enough categories to go around.
The coup de grace of any pageant is always the question and answer portion. Some of the responses from the prettiest faces are quoted more often than passages from the Scripture.
Most of us have probably laughed till we cried at how Miss........ from ...........City answered a final question. Some contestants can have a future in stand-up comedy, and should get a crown.
Bading speakUnless you are new in town bading is the current popular term for "bakla", euphorically happy man who loves other men or euphorically happy woman who loves other women. Knowing some gay speak gives a little cachet that can get you in the company of movers and shakers in popular media.
It has become a growing personal obsession to discover the beginnings of some words because I feel that most reflect humor, and a bit of genius. Tolkien did it with LOTR, taking words from several languages to come up with Elvish (no, not the singer, but the language spoken by elves).
Creators of Swardspeak deserve a limp- wristed, cologne-dabbed pat on the back. Chika!
BideokeOk, videoke (hey, our ex colonizers pronounced "V" and "B" the same way), video and karaoke. The passion for singing and well, singing EVERYWHERE is a source of pride.
Bursting into song has never been so easy, and you can attract an appreciative (or angry) crowd even without a recording contract. Being self-conscious is a non-issue. Class and the risk of being laughed at are irrelevant.
Filipinos love to sing, and like just as much making fun of others who sing. Of course, unless they are blessed with perfect pitch, they may also be the ones being laughed at. But in a videoke group, it may seem like they are laughing with you... ignorance can be bliss.
PhenomenonBulagaan 2005 is a comic skit in what I can safely say is a phenomenon in Philippine noontime viewing, Eat Bulaga. Call it whatever you want, it is a show that has lasted longer than some networks. If Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships, this show has launched a thousand skits.
Bulagaan is a classic, a classroom full of students singing for a passing grade. Despite the jokes being gloriously corny, "Sir, I have a knock knock", and most of the singing close to atrocious, it just works. It connects, it has a following, and it combines everything on my list: beauty contests (or pretty hosts), bading, bideoke and plain old Filipino humor.
Yes, it's baduy at its best. Those of you who raise a threaded eyebrow at me, here's a pie in your face. (canned maniacal laughter)

Reality Shows

REALITY SHOWS

Keeping it real has never been such an Extra Challenge. We are riveted by man woman dynamics via Blind Dates, gripped by Survivor tactics during an Amazing Race, and have given an Ambush Makeover to the English language by breathing life to the term Queer-Eyed. Six years ago, a program on Average Joes leading a Simple Life desperately Playing It Straight as The Fab 5 show him ways of Starting Over would have been The Biggest Loser. Today, the reality genre has everyone hooked. Local media has gotten in on the game, trying to come up with their versions of what could create a new star, a new trend, a new you. I admit an addiction to American Idol, and I can’t stand the fact that being Asia bound I can’t vote! As I live vicariously through those who can carry a tune (unlike me) I do wonder what the impact is of real TV on one’s self esteem.

Staying real (and alive) is no easy feat. Faking it till you make it is the new battle cry of the TV generation. While our parents’ generation was about making a stand, the 00s is all about making it to the next stage of The Apprentice/ The Contender etc. People are willing to cheat, lie, steal, make complete morons out of themselves for a little screen time. Getting your fifteen minutes of fame has never been easier. As one PR mogul has put it, as long as you can get in front of a press camera, you got your shot. In the pursuit of glamour and stature most are willing to be herded like a flock of sheep to be sheared of the very idiosyncrasies that make them authentic. Hair that was once free to frizz and curl at will is rebonded down to resemble road kill. Skin that was born with natural pigmentation and a healthy glow has been scrubbed and bleached to uncooked chicken pallor. Almost every VJ on display seems to have graduated from the “accent = talent” school of hosting.

We are surrounded by fakes. Imitations, phoneys, copies and fabrications. From accessories to lifestyles, we don’t necessarily have to get the real thing as long as it can fool a captive audience for a while. A person with a keen eye and the hunting skills of a Strider can transform Greenhills into via Condotti. Big deal you say, everyone loves a bargain. Sure, but nobody loves a fake. Even if you’re LV armored, a poor attitude towards yourself and your fellow men will eventually cause a couple of chinks. If your closest friend bases friendship on what’s in your closet, then maybe you should go shopping for a new friend. Seriously, there’s only ONE kind of friend, and class A, B or C still doesn’t mean REAL.

Fixer-Upper

You cannot walk three steps inside the hottest club without bumping (and bouncing off) a silicon seduced chest. (Not necessarily belonging to a female). “Beso-beso” can now be done from great distances thanks to collagen fattened lips. You may pass a series of expressionless Botoxed faces (smiling has never been so taboo) or suddenly notice that your date has a couple of bumpity bumps on certain areas of her nose. (No, they’re not zits) People of all ages and genders are so into quick fixes, and I’m not even talking recreational drugs.

This is not an article written to pass judgment. If you happen to be a savvy shopper and can walk through a milieu of “tiangges” blindfolded and still come out with fashion treasures, then kudos to you. Just bear in mind that the clothes never ever make the person. Even if you blind your peers with the latest, brightest bling, they won’t be blind forever. The dullness of your spirit will (ironically) shine through. Plastic surgery, (do you recall what was implied when a person was called plastic?) is a choice. Just manage your expectations; a new body still has the same old heart beating inside of it. How are you trying to cosmetically enhance that part of yourself? If your self esteem is directly proportional to the amount of body fat you possess, then you are in for some pretty tough times. Psychologist Carl Jung said “If you don’t learn to love your defects they will never go away.”

Some of you may view this as a reality check. Can you remember the last time when all it took was YOU to affirm your authentic self? Does support for your endeavors only come from the standards you meet dictated by your peers? Or do you make your own rules? If you were to remove the outer trappings that bind you, would you still feel this good about yourself, if you voiced out to those around you what you really thought, would you get voted off the island? Who do you hang out with? Is it possible that you have grown weary of talking about the same people, the same parties, the same things over and over again? Now think about it, if the life you and your friends lead was truly fabulous, why would you have time to pay attention to those whose lives aren’t?

As the search for self is a continuous process you can remember this: No matter how well staged your life seems to be, eventually, reality shows. Hope you win.

Basic Instinct

Basic Instinct

In observance of all things colonial in this country we celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow. We find ourselves doing last minute gift purchases, dinner reservations, hastily writing a card, or perhaps, a tattoo(?) done as a “momage”. Mothers are like supreme beings. They can bargain a shopkeeper down to bankruptcy, out-prescribe a medical professional in remedies, and know the ABSOLUTELY MOST PERFECT boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife/ doctor/ route to take/ place to shop/food to cook/ gift to bring (fill in the blanks). Plus, they are the All Seeing Eye and even while creeping home after a night of debauchery with fantastic lies and excuses building up in your head, one split second of a mother’s gaze locking into your glassy one the next morning has you sputtering the ugly truth.

Whether your taste is aligned or not to your moms is irrelevant. Mother knows best. And she will never let you forget it. Some mothers are so sensitive that they can tell EXACTLY how you feel about their latest purchase, culinary effort, or whatever it is they ask your opinion about. (are those alien probes?) without you uttering a word! This truth seeking mommy missile can put the entire cast of Alias to shame. Granted that they’re not always right, and yes there are some mothers who are clueless of the world beyond their mahjong table, many seem to be pre-cognitive with regard to YOUR life. This may extend to our choice in partners or friends, and when we come home tattered and torn from life’s battlefield, they raise an eyebrow as if to say “I saw that loser coming a MILE away…but did you listen?..”

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we, children of the precogs, could also develop our intuition, and use it wisely to make decisions for ourselves about the situations and people around us? This “sixth sense” is a gift that is inherent in everyone. You do NOT have to go the “I see dead people route” (creepy music) but certainly can become more sensitive to the Un-dead. Yes, I mean the living. Try this out:

STOP AND LISTEN. Due to the barrage of fast moving images, fast songs, fast internet speed, we expect instant answers, reactions, replies. With all the mental noise we do not allow ourselves to distinguish between what is intuitive and what is just “noise”. Your initial or basic instinct about something or someone comes expressly delivered from your gut. The moment you allow your mind (or past fears and experiences) to “rationalize” what you just felt, you dilute the truth. Try not to taint what you initially feel with facts and figures, intuition is intangible.

ASK AND REFLECT. If you are Christian then you may opt to pray. Prayer has its benefits, but sometimes in prayer one becomes engulfed in asking, thanking, asking, thanking that there is no lapse at all in mental and/ or verbal action to LISTEN to a reply. Ask and you shall receive is the truth. So after you ask, shut up, really. Quiet the mind and quiet the self and allow God a WORD in. Have you ever been in a conversation with your closest friend both of you at the same time? Do you truly hear what your friend is trying to say? Like in prayer, you have to be polite and enable who you are talking to, to answer. Revel in the silence and you WILL hear something.

That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? And come on, how do you REALLY REALLY know if what you feel is REALLY REALLY REAL? (say that three times and fast) Practice. Seriously, intuition is a muscle that needs to be flexed. And if you can’t find truth in yourself, then where else are you going to find it? Or do you keep asking mother? (It worked for Norman Bates, you say)

YOU’VE DONE IT BEFORE. Look back.. If you’re old enough to read this, then you MUST have made at least ONE correct decision in your life. Can you remember exactly what you felt back when you made up your mind that made everything fall into place? The thing about foresight is that you can only recall it in hindsight. There was a time (maybe several) what to do next, was all up to you.

Back to the Mothership.
My own theory on why mothers are practically psychic when it comes to their children is because they too made a perfect choice once, they chose to be a mom, and in that, they were granted special powers. So, you may want to cut them a little slack.

I am aware that there are many mother-child relationships that are in dire need of nurturing and connection. There are those who are in harmony and I have been blessed with a mother who though not always “right” was always coming from the right direction, one guided by love. For this mother’s day, I would like to urge you to make peace with the woman who brought you into this world. Whatever the state of your relationship with your mom to her credit, she did what she felt to be best for you. And if you are not reading this from behind bars, then she didn’t do such a bad job.

Here ends my momage. Happy Mother’s Day Mommies!!

May the Force Be With You

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Same s--t different day. Sound familiar? Same old, same old. These are standard answers for many of my peers and even the more youthful of my friends have used the word “boring” to describe their current situation in life, work and sometimes their future’s outlook. Being stuck in a rut just sucks. Artists call it a “block”, executives call it a “dead-end job” students call it “practicum” and I call it a “telenovela”. Maybe I meant same s--t different network.

The biggest challenge in wanting something different is people are not often willing to DO something different. I’ve read that if you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result, then you’re a horse’s ass (Ok I added the horse part) In a nutshell,
your situation will only change when YOU change, so today let’s talk about change, or at least making some changes. Tomorrow we welcome the first day of May, not only do we enter into the second quarter of 2005, in Western hemispheres Spring is in the air, and for most species of flora and fauna, life begins in the Spring. In a galaxy far, far away, it also marks the opening month of a small, under hyped sci-fi movie entitled Revenge of The Sith. (Yes, there is a connection, patience.)

Whether your Jedi Master is Yoda or Buddha the “force” is something to be reckoned with and not taken lightly. In Chinese philosophy it is called “qi” (pronounced chi) which means the circulating life energy that is thought to be inherent in all things. In simpler terms, it’s the life force. You may not be aware of it, but your surroundings, the way you live, the way you think have already caused clogging in your qi and the qi around you. If lately you feel you’ve been down on your luck, stuck to a routine, uncreative, and unhappy then it may be time for a change of scene. The wonderful thing about changing your “qi-nery” is that it is simple, inexpensive and can be done by anyone, anytime.

Ready padawan? Look around you. What is the state of your house? Apartment? Bedroom? Office? Unopened mail, unwashed clothes, unread books, dried out pens, betamax tapes (?!!!) memorabilia from the 70s and 80s that are so decrepit in appearance that they wouldn’t be displayed on Ebay. Wasted space is wasted energy. How you live is a reflection of how you are. Think of your body like your bedroom, how much clutter will it take in your inner interior design for you to finally do something about it? Let’s get started:

Have nothing around you that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful. There exists a metaphysical law saying that if we desire more abundance in our lives we must create space for it. How can more good come into our lives if there is no room to accommodate it?

Start to give. What may no longer be useful and beautiful to someone may be a treasure found to another. Look at your closets, bathroom counter, library, drawers, gadgets, music and video collection. Is it possible that these things you no longer need or desire could be more beneficial to and/or serve others? Even when you’re cleaning and clearing out remember not to make a mess of things.
Some rules: (applicable to public officials too)
If you take it out, put it back
If you open it, close it
If you throw it down, pick it up
If you take it off, hang it up.
If you really don’t need it give it to someone who does.

Move 27 objects. (Huh?) Literally, PICK UP and MOVE 27 objects in your home that have not been moved in over a year. No one is going to mind if the left bedside lamp is now on the right, move the books you still love from the lower shelf to the upper shelf. Arrange a series of picture frames in a different way. Maybe the dining room table would look better if it faced a window, those knick knacks, touristy souvenirs could use a reshuffle… (oh my God the Christmas lights are still up?!!!!) So what’s happening now? Are you perhaps getting more creative? Maybe a little more imaginative? (how the hell am I going to explain this to my mom?) What is certainly happening during this process is that you are doing something DIFFERENT 27 times and all of a sudden you just start to FLOW.

When you move things around energy transforms from potential to kinetic. Your mind expands, you break your routine and you allow the vital universal life energy to swirl inside and around you. True creation is based on intuition and not on manipulation. I will be bold enough to say that when this is done in the spirit of fun and lightness you will actually start to FEEL the positive energy released throughout your surroundings. The added bonus in doing this makeshift spring cleaning is that you may stumble upon something you once thought was lost, or forgotten. YOU. (cue: voluminous, orchestral background music.)

Feel the force. Ready are you?
Do or do not, there is no try.

Livin La Vida Luna

Livin La Vida Luna

We are a superstitious lot. Though the Philippines is said to be more than 90% Catholic, I cannot throw spilled salt over my shoulder without hitting someone who has at one point “dabbled” in supposed non-Catholic rituals of astrology, fortune telling, feng shui, or avoiding walking under a ladder because it’s “malas” (bad luck). I remember as early as the age of 5, my mother would say to never put a purse or bag containing money directly on the floor because it would supposedly send ones fortune “down”.
(down where, to the government?)

The polar opposite of wanting to prevent bad luck is of course, wanting good luck. And the theme for this weekend is RENEW! RECHARGE! What’s even more appropriate is this weekend brings about the Full Moon, coupled with a lunar eclipse making it a Super! Full Moon. It has long been believed that the moon has special powers, and when it is full (as it will be by Sunday) is when witches come out, and men turn into nasty, fanged, furry beasts…(what else is new). The moon can affect moods, hence the term (and this is my own theory) “making moony-moony” so all of a sudden you find yourself dating a witch or a werewolf. Before you pass any judgment, look in the mirror first, you may be in desperate need of a shave or your laugh now resembles a cackle.

Kidding aside, the full moon’s potency are even recognized by practitioners of astanga (power) yoga. They will not practice a full moon day believing that their bodies become more susceptible to injuries and use the day for meditation and rest instead. A lunar eclipse comes only with a full moon twice a year. Under an eclipse the true nature of a person or a situation in your life will be revealed to you. Take any message you hear at the time of an eclipse seriously, see the news as more or less a non-negotiable item and try to move on. Bide your time and do not take drastic actions, or give ultimatums during an eclipse, give yourself a couple of weeks when the air has cleared to make your next move.

So how exactly is this about renewing or starting anew? Eclipses can give you epiphanies, help or give you chances to do things you never thought were possible! A TV show contract, a record or publishing deal may be offered to you. In short, an eclipse may open a door that was previously closed. Now is the time to harness the full potency of the moon and the accompanying eclipse by a wish. Normal practice is to wish upon a star but I never have the patience to wait around for one to “fall” (no offense, Ate Guy). I have prepared two simple wishing rituals for both beginners and more intermediate believers. I must stress that when you wish, you MUST first be grateful, and have a peaceful state of mind. Wishing out of desperation, hate, anger or revenge just boomerangs. If you don’t want the additional mega ton amperage of the moon adding on to the negativity, then take a long hard look at what it is you’re really wishing for.

Beginner wisher: Take a piece of unmarked white paper, preferably from an unused pad. White symbolizes innocence and purity of intention. Get a red-inked pen (red symbolizes passion) and write down your wish. There are no guidelines to manner of writing what you want, your heart should tell you, not me. Once done, take a small box, insert the paper and bury the box in your garden or wherever there is fresh soil under the light of the full moon. Throwing the box down the gutter or hiding it under some potted plants will NOT be effective. The digging symbolizes the depth of your need and indicates the willingness to work toward what you wish. If you are a high rise dweller or have no garden to speak of then you have 24 hours to find a place to dig. So no, it doesn’t necessarily have to be at your house, but this doesn’t mean you should trespass and destroy private or public property either. Be resourceful not unlawful!

Intermediate wisher: This is not for the faint hearted, and certainly not for those with low self esteem. Prior to the full moon make sure you have a long hot bath or shower. If you know what exfoliate means do so, if you don’t, ask a female or gay member of your household immediately. If you have no means to exfoliate then a fresh bar of soap will do. The essence is that you have to be as “clean” as possible. Dry off and sit down in a quiet, uncluttered part of your home. Light a white candle (again for purity) and one red (passion). Sit for as many minutes as it takes to clear your mind of angry or negative thoughts. When you’re done walk outside. If you are bold enough (literally) you can do this naked, if you’re modest, wear all white. Under the light of the full moon make a wish, you may take the candles with you. When you’re done and before your naked presence is recorded on a hidden videocam say a prayer or mantra of thanks and blow out the candles.

Regardless of the outcome, you will feel super charged, and more hopeful about the future. Happy moonwishing!