Lighten Up

Lighten up

First posted 01:05am (Mla time) July 30, 2005
By Katrina A. Holigores
Inquirer News Service



Editor's Note: Published on page C2 of the July 30, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer.


WEATHER changes also seem to bring about mood changes. Actually, anything seems to be a perfect excuse for a little moodiness. Brooding, self-pity, some angst, reminders of unresolved issues poke their needly little fingers into our souls every so often. All of a sudden you wake up and you’re just not good enough, what you’re doing is not fulfilling enough, the people that surround you are jerks, your family is suffocating you… the list goes on. Bad hair day (for women), no hair day (for men), you name it. The slightest thing can cause mega irritation, even the “comic” faux ending in the CSI Finale was enough to get your eyes rolling. (At least it did mine). So, now that you’re carrying the weight of YOUR world on your shoulders what is there to do?

Lighten up, yes really. From Hello Diether to Hello Garci jokes and ring tones you’ve probably laughed as much as you could and faked your smile as an older relative or your boss went through (the millionth time) his version or her version of the Hellos. Watching the news is not an option and on the music channels you can swear that the artist of the month was the same one last month. What is the world coming to? Is it just you who notices how lame everything is? Wow, pare dude, chill. We are all allowed our days of being angry or rebels without causes but if we don’t give ourselves a time limit to feel and act like rabid dogs, then we’re pretty much on a long lonely road to bitterness and (gasp) the cloud surrounding every silver lining.

Surrender

To make light of every situation is done with practice and of course acceptance. Surrender to the fact that there are situations in life that are just not in your control… in fact there will be many, and if you allow them to affect you, then you’re in for a lifelong pounding. The only thing that you can really control is your own REACTION to what is in front of you. How much are you going to take before you break? Or are you simply just going to look this horrid, irritating situation in the face, and chuckle politely to yourself before stepping aside and moving on? Have you ever heard the expression “mabigat kasama” and no, that doesn’t translate as “He ain’t heavy he’s my brother” but it means that Mr. Mabigat is this close to being an emotional vampire. Trouble is, you might look in the mirror one day and see no reflection, so, lighten up.

A lot of things that are hurtful, frustrating, even abusive in nature are not necessarily meant with YOU in mind. In other words, when your father or mother started to date again, it was not meant to HURT you. If your ex has decided to go out with someone possessing “buhaghag” free hair and the body of a Sports Illustrated hussy it’s not life’s way of shoving poker hot barbs straight into your heart. Perhaps, it is just a little nudge to see exactly what issues you still are dealing with about your own self image or attitude toward life. (Thereby causing your hair to stand on end and your frown lines to increase in number). Stop it, take a deep breath, cuss if you need to, then rise above it.

Laugh out loud

Laugh out loud or cry wildly for a full hour. Then stop. Put a timer on your hysterics, because you CAN turn the on and off switch when dealing with your emotions. If you’ve reached a boiling point, go explode… then enough. Don’t drag it with you for another day. Go to the gym, hit a punching bag, dance your heart out at a club, write down as you wail your every thought and emotion, run a mile, take a long drive out of town, sit in front of your favorite piece of art, watch your corniest, slapstick movie or sitcom, call up someone you haven’t spoken to long distance… have a healthy outlet, then live your life again on a fresh mood start. It’s not as difficult as it seems. Life is indeed so generous that it always provides us options, we just have to look past the rage to see them. The decision to do so may be a little more difficult. Some choose to wallow in misery, some choose to finally swim for air.

Brighter outlook

Feeling better? Hopefully yes, or perhaps not yet. I say yet, because I honestly believe we all have been given the capabilities to have a brighter outlook. That these eyes that squint in anger are the same ones that can spot beauty in everything, the same ears that hear bad news are the same ones which hear the perfect song playing on the radio, and the mouths that roar out curses and expletives are the same ones which can emanate a message of peace and love. We are all vessels, it’s what we decide to bring as cargo that makes all the difference if we are to sink or stay afloat in life. Bon voyage.

Faith in Fate

Faith in Fate

First posted 11:13pm (Mla time) July 15, 2005
By Katrina Holigores
Inquirer News Service



Editor's Note: Published on page C2 of the July 16, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


ANY GREAT detective will ask himself a series of questions in order to solve a mystery. Fans of "CSI" are treated to theories in every episode as each forensics team double guesses the COD of their victims. We on the other hand, do not have the storyline and script written out for us, so we search endlessly for answers to our future. The question we should ask ourselves though is, how much do we really want to know? We are spoiled by a deluge of pirated DVDs which enable us to finish an entire season of a show without having to wait like the rest of the world. I admit that if I had to sit through "24" without finding out what happens in the next episode I would go mental. It is probably because we now have access to quicker answers (don't know something? Google it) that takes our attention away from the present and finds us fixated on how everything is going to turn out in the end.

Reality

Ok, here's the reality, there are no guarantees in life except one, we are ALL going to kick the bucket someday. So, what you do between today and bucket-kicking should be worth something. Here are some actions or attitudes that most of us are guilty of (myself included): We want to be told the future, instead of being mindful of the present. We rely on others for answers instead of finding them on our own. We keep asking for advice, suggestions, people's opinions instead of trusting our own instinct. We preach, scold, reprimand, are quick to come to judgment and forget how much we resent being on the receiving end. We boast of being more "spiritual" than religious, yet not really sure what either means. We compare, compete with those around us later realizing that there is really nothing to be won. We let the fear of loss outweigh all other feelings and deny ourselves a life lived to the fullest. (Risks have to be taken every now and then you know)

If one or two, or all of the above ring a familiar bell in your head, not to worry, you're just as human as the person next to you. What supposedly separates an adult from a child is being able to believe in something that is intangible. To have faith or to trust in what the eye cannot see but what the heart, or for some, the soul can feel. There is an eastern philosophy that suggests when you "pray" you should simply say "I am grateful because everything I need is on its way to me." Oh, if only it were that easy to just trust in that and believe it to the hilt. If you are young, active, ambitious then just the thought of NOT HAVING TO WORK to get what you want is almost incomprehensible. Oftentimes we hold on desperately, needily to something we feel we cannot live without. When life forces you to let go you are often shocked at how much you didn't really need said thing (or person) at all. You see, Life is a lot smarter than we give it credit for. Fighting for something you believe in may just turn out to be defending one's pride. There are times when we really just have to surrender gracefully and allow things to take their course.

Religion

Religion may sometimes provide us with answers on what to expect down the line. For Christians if you follow what it says in the Bible, you go to Heaven, for Buddhists, it's about Karma and celebrating the Divinity in oneself and others, for the Hindus, how you live this life will determine what you will be reborn as in your next life. (Do you really really want to come back as a cockroach?) In Western astrology, your natal chart indicated the position of the planets on the day, hour, year and place of your birth. These planets are said to send energies that may influence your behavioral patterns throughout your life. All the practices mentioned above claim to be based on fact, but what keeps the believers going is faith.

It would be a lot easier if we used acceptance instead anger when things don't work out the way we expected. That actually surrendering to the notion that if it was meant for you it will come. Or even harder, that everything that happens in our life is absolutely perfect and happens at a perfect time. If we are to believe that there is something out there that is indeed concerned about our welfare then we should also believe that whatever hurdles we face are just part of the process, they are not there to turn us into miserable, bitter people. If this weekend you indeed choose to find your religion or revamp your faith in a Higher Plan, then I wish that everything you truly need is on a celestial express package enroute to you.

War of the Words

War of the Words

First posted 01:11am (Mla time) July 02, 2005
By Katrina Holigores
Inquirer News Service

Editor's Note: Published on Page E2 of the July 2, 2005 issue of the
Philippine Daily Inquirer

ONE OF my favorite authors posed an interesting question in one of her books
"How difficult have you made your life?" We often fill our days
rationalizing, brooding or obsessing about things that may not really be
beneficial to us in the long run anyway. We say things to ourselves that are
not positive or uplifting, we make mountains out of molehills, we "sweat the
small stuff" not knowing that our own anguish, frustrations or bitterness
towards a situation (or person) has an exponential effect whether it is a
direct or indirect interaction. When we're in a bad mood we tend to use
harsher language towards the people around us, we blow up, and we sometimes
say things to others that are cruel and hurtful. What we may not be aware of
is what we scream or sarcastically snort out to either someone else or
ourselves doesn't do ANYONE any good. But man, it's nice to just blame
someone else for the crap going on sometimes right?

Vocabulary
I once read that the vocabulary
you use is essential to the kinds of energies that you attract or deflect in
your life. When you start your day off dreading work, dreading school,
dreading your spouse, partner or family member then the way you deal with
people is going to be affected.
Think back to when you were younger, if your dad or mom came home in a
grumpy mood... was it a good time to ask permission to go out? (off with
your head!!) the reverse is when your parents are in a good mood and all of
a sudden its like Christmas has come in early. Be mindful of the language
you use when dealing with others, it is NOT your helpers fault that your
boss has decided to drop a load of work on you right before a long weekend.
Your driver did not cause the traffic on Edsa and it's not his fault either
that whichever lane you decide to pick has become the slowest moving one.
The salesgirl behind the counter did not cause that huge zit to appear on
your nose and your little brother or sister is not to blame for your
boyfriend dumping you (unless you're starring in a telenovela).

So, how difficult have you made your life? Understand that troubles are
often self inflicted, we tend to read too much into ordinary situations.
When we are too emotionally embroiled then we put too much meaning into a
tiny, insignificant gesture. "Did you see/hear what he/ she/ did/ say?" you
exclaim to nearby vultures. Honey, your arch rival sneezing in public does
not a criminal make.
Everytime you add a negative thought into your mental file on someone or
yourself then you're just basically inviting more bad vibes in. Maybe if you
could be more conscious of what you actually think and what comes out of
your mouth you will invite a lot more positivity to enter. There is a
formula in life, and that like begets like. If you surround yourself with
garbage, you start to smell like it, same goes for your internal process.
Overload your daily routine (mental, physical and spiritual) with enough
crap and don't be surprised how your life will begin to reek of it.

Mean it
When was the last time you made an effort to do or say something nice (and
mean it) every single day? Ok, we're not all Bree Van De Kamp every single
moment, but it doesn't take a lot of effort to say to the person beside you
how nice he or she looks today, or how much you liked what he or she did or
said. Am going to stress though that you have to MEAN it, flattery without
sincerity is just more BS. Deepak Chopra, in his book
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success explains how a daily output of sincerity
and kindness goes a long, long way. And yes, eventually it finds its way
back to you, and hopefully at a time when you need kindness and compassion
the most. During days of stress and frustration, before you decide to vent
on a poor, unsuspecting soul (read anyone with a heartbeat) take a really
long deep breath and focus on something that gives you joy. When I say focus
I mean LOOK or READ something that gives you peace. I'm not saying raid your
fridge and stuff your face till kingdom come. Yes, watching a movie counts,
listening to music counts, driving with lots of alcohol swishing inside you
does NOT.
Try and make a habit of making someone else feel good on a daily basis, but
be conscious of your intentions when complimenting someone. If you choose to
flatter for the purpose of getting something in return, then eventually you
will begin to question the sincerity of others towards you. It's not fun to
live in paranoia or doubt. Perhaps it's time to change your battle cry. Good
luck soldier.