War of the Words

War of the Words

First posted 01:11am (Mla time) July 02, 2005
By Katrina Holigores
Inquirer News Service

Editor's Note: Published on Page E2 of the July 2, 2005 issue of the
Philippine Daily Inquirer

ONE OF my favorite authors posed an interesting question in one of her books
"How difficult have you made your life?" We often fill our days
rationalizing, brooding or obsessing about things that may not really be
beneficial to us in the long run anyway. We say things to ourselves that are
not positive or uplifting, we make mountains out of molehills, we "sweat the
small stuff" not knowing that our own anguish, frustrations or bitterness
towards a situation (or person) has an exponential effect whether it is a
direct or indirect interaction. When we're in a bad mood we tend to use
harsher language towards the people around us, we blow up, and we sometimes
say things to others that are cruel and hurtful. What we may not be aware of
is what we scream or sarcastically snort out to either someone else or
ourselves doesn't do ANYONE any good. But man, it's nice to just blame
someone else for the crap going on sometimes right?

Vocabulary
I once read that the vocabulary
you use is essential to the kinds of energies that you attract or deflect in
your life. When you start your day off dreading work, dreading school,
dreading your spouse, partner or family member then the way you deal with
people is going to be affected.
Think back to when you were younger, if your dad or mom came home in a
grumpy mood... was it a good time to ask permission to go out? (off with
your head!!) the reverse is when your parents are in a good mood and all of
a sudden its like Christmas has come in early. Be mindful of the language
you use when dealing with others, it is NOT your helpers fault that your
boss has decided to drop a load of work on you right before a long weekend.
Your driver did not cause the traffic on Edsa and it's not his fault either
that whichever lane you decide to pick has become the slowest moving one.
The salesgirl behind the counter did not cause that huge zit to appear on
your nose and your little brother or sister is not to blame for your
boyfriend dumping you (unless you're starring in a telenovela).

So, how difficult have you made your life? Understand that troubles are
often self inflicted, we tend to read too much into ordinary situations.
When we are too emotionally embroiled then we put too much meaning into a
tiny, insignificant gesture. "Did you see/hear what he/ she/ did/ say?" you
exclaim to nearby vultures. Honey, your arch rival sneezing in public does
not a criminal make.
Everytime you add a negative thought into your mental file on someone or
yourself then you're just basically inviting more bad vibes in. Maybe if you
could be more conscious of what you actually think and what comes out of
your mouth you will invite a lot more positivity to enter. There is a
formula in life, and that like begets like. If you surround yourself with
garbage, you start to smell like it, same goes for your internal process.
Overload your daily routine (mental, physical and spiritual) with enough
crap and don't be surprised how your life will begin to reek of it.

Mean it
When was the last time you made an effort to do or say something nice (and
mean it) every single day? Ok, we're not all Bree Van De Kamp every single
moment, but it doesn't take a lot of effort to say to the person beside you
how nice he or she looks today, or how much you liked what he or she did or
said. Am going to stress though that you have to MEAN it, flattery without
sincerity is just more BS. Deepak Chopra, in his book
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success explains how a daily output of sincerity
and kindness goes a long, long way. And yes, eventually it finds its way
back to you, and hopefully at a time when you need kindness and compassion
the most. During days of stress and frustration, before you decide to vent
on a poor, unsuspecting soul (read anyone with a heartbeat) take a really
long deep breath and focus on something that gives you joy. When I say focus
I mean LOOK or READ something that gives you peace. I'm not saying raid your
fridge and stuff your face till kingdom come. Yes, watching a movie counts,
listening to music counts, driving with lots of alcohol swishing inside you
does NOT.
Try and make a habit of making someone else feel good on a daily basis, but
be conscious of your intentions when complimenting someone. If you choose to
flatter for the purpose of getting something in return, then eventually you
will begin to question the sincerity of others towards you. It's not fun to
live in paranoia or doubt. Perhaps it's time to change your battle cry. Good
luck soldier.