Playing By The Rules

Playing by the Rules

In the game of life we often hear ourselves crying out “foul!” We feel cheated, discredited, unjustly passed over as we go through the motions of moving from point A to B. At an early age most of us are programmed by figures of authority be it family or faculty members that happiness is equated to being the best at something (or everything). The rules seemed simple enough. Study hard=good grades=good job. Good looking=popular=choice of relationships. Good family=good spouse=good marriage. I’m simplifying things a bit, but you get the gist. Reality then hits when even after abiding by the rules dictated by parents, teachers, peers or society that we are NOWHERE near the pinnacle of happiness or fulfillment we desire. The awareness of this strikes a painful, sometimes fatal blow on our self esteem and we are in danger of living the rest of our life on auto-pilot.

The Great Escape
For those who are in the process of creating a future for themselves, the road ahead is not a smooth one. Career or relationship wise there are many hurdles to get over and at some point throwing up one’s hands and wondering out loud why we even bother is normal. Escapism sets in, the lure of partying the night away, drowning sorrows in alcohol, mind altering drugs and/ or superficial relationships that do not require commitment or emotional investment seem so much SAFER. Life has thrown you a curveball and perhaps it is better to give up and just watch from the sidelines. Look around you, for many people you know (and maybe yourself?), it’s game over.

Though I am certainly not a fan of hip hop (or is it R&B?), I spend a lot of time on the road constantly changing the radio dial listening out for something new. Although the ipod shuffle promises a random (surprise!!) selection of songs, for me that’s cheating. Recently, I heard a song which was predominantly in rap that I wish to share with those who have relocated themselves to the sidelines. The song was called “Hope” and in spite of some of the words being WAY too fast for me to absorb in their entirety the message was simple. Part of the chorus was “Be hopeful, and He’ll make a way...” Now, for the purpose of religious and non-religious preferences, let’s just replace “He” with the word life. When we no longer allow ourselves to hope, then we have committed spiritual suicide.

How can we, through pain, past issues or current ones, keep our chin up, look ahead and soldier on? Bear in mind that disappointments are directly caused by our expectations. Just because things don’t work out the way we EXPECTED them to is no indication that NOTHING will ever work out. Instead of focusing on what did not work out, why don’t we try something else?

Be grateful

No one likes an ungracious guest at an event. Life included, so since you were important enough to be invited to its party, then thank yous are in order, don’t you think? You then groan “Be thankful for what?” One look at the headlines, the news, or even the state of your personal affairs and being thankful is the FARTHEST thing from your mind. Sometimes we focus on what is missing rather then what is already there. If you would like to wake up each day with a brighter, lighter outlook on your life then it’s time to get down and get grateful. Here’s one way you can start off:

Get a notebook and a pen, the notebook can be fancy, but chances are you will never write it in. Something practical will do. Everyday write down three things, no more, no less that you are GRATEFUL for. It doesn’t matter what time of the day you start as long as you DO get those three items in. Your grateful entries don’t have to be deep or complicated; they can be completed in a single sentence. Your personality will shine through when you start to write, you can make them funny, poetic, or bullet points, the only rule here is to MEAN what you say. Before the day is over, take time out to go over what you wrote.

Here’s what happens, from reading something as simple as “Today I am grateful that I had three full meals”, “Today I am grateful that no one I love is suffering from illness.” “Today I am grateful for finding parking when I got to work”; there is a little layer of heaviness removed from inside of you. Now you are looking at the positive occurrences in your life, and these occurrences happen to you EVERY SINGLE DAY. Wow, when you actually think about it, something, no, at LEAST three wonderful things happen to you on a DAILY basis. When you wake up in the morning, perhaps to start the day writing “I am grateful today for waking up” you may glance at what you wrote previously, and trust me, when you begin your day with the awareness of what you can be THANKFUL for, your outlook for your future starts to change….for the better.

Life does play fair. We just have to follow some of its rules. Just remember how good it is to be a lifetime member.