Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

WE are all subject to moods. Being human, we're not expected to perpetually be even tempered, light and bubbly, no matter our choice of beverage. When asked about this some blame the weather, others the immediate surroundings, and for the Freud loving, the past. Nothing can equal a good old fashioned rant and rave. It sometimes feels super to cuss out loud, to think violent thoughts about your worst enemy (or best friend) or plot the annihilation of bus drivers in the metropolis.
The point is, we all sink low at one time or another and we say and think awful things. Even if we know we have to rise up from our pit of darkness and go forward, wallowing in misery and self pity can be comforting. At least when you're at the bottom of the heap, you know exactly where you are. Right? (Pass me the Prozac please.)
In Anthony Robbins' (yes the gargantuan man in Shallow Hal) book, Awaken the Giant Within, he points to two triggers that are crucial in our decision making process. These are: Pleasure and Pain -- for fans of the Sandman series, The Agony and the Ecstasy.
Avoid pain
The majority choose to avoid pain. This avoidance sometimes leads to denial, and denial can then lead to demise (and I don't just mean in the physical sense). Pain and pleasure are of course subjective. I have seen grown men risk their lives for the pleasure of the thrill of jumping out a perfectly good airplane... and then cower and quiver in fear at the sight of a teeny tiny needle aimed at their rear end. A woman will allow herself the agony of hunger in order to feel ecstasy when she easily slips into her little black dress.
These are examples on a simplistic plane, what I would like to focus on has much deeper roots. Pain is up to a person's perception, and when it is put in a positive light (positive?) it can actually lift you to a whole new level. How so? Look at it this way. We all have issues. Some I admit, more than others. Issues can be reworded as baggage or fears.
Unless you are one of the enlightened ones (i.e. NOT Anakin), the very thought of facing one's fears is as scary as a facelift gone bad. We all have to choose which path to take in life, be it school, major, job, romantic partner or lifelong partner. Subconsciously (think about it now in hindsight) we actually weighed the pain-pleasure principle before making our decision.
When we do not acknowledge what brings us pain, then we will not know what will ultimately give us pleasure. Do you notice how you often have "blasts" from the past? Situations, people, songs, lines from movies that make you recall (and recoil at) unpleasant and or traumatic memories?
Influenced by a memory
Let me make this clearer. You will know that you are still being influenced by a memory (or a fear) if you still react to it in a negative, even spiteful manner. The wound has not healed and instead of finding out its true cause, you choose to ignore it. When you see the former love of your life walking in the mall hand in hand with your former best friend and the first thing that springs to mind is bloodlust... then rest assured this experience will affect your outlook on your future relationships, both in love and in friendship. Instead of moving up you slide back down. It is a crappy feeling not wanting to trust anyone again, especially yourself and your taste!
Can you relate? Look, I'm not saying that your bone-head ex and your equally bone-headed ex friend should be canonized. I'm just saying that they are still alive (Why God, Why?) to REMIND you of what you really feel. As one of my favorite authors wrote, "Stop refusing to acknowledge what life is showing you about yourself." Ouch.
When you go on selective memory mode, at some point you're going to have a breakdown. Set yourself free from the traumas that entrap you (and they always come when you least expect them, making it doubly harder) and have a pain "breakthrough" instead.
The Taoists believe that if you really want to get over something (like an obsession) then you either drop it completely or saturate yourself with it. This is going to sound very unpalatable but try to drown yourself in the feeling of disgust, betrayal, anger etc., etc., you feel towards person A or situation A. One day, you wake up, and you are no longer affected. Why? Because you're fed up with feeling like... (cuss word here).
The word independence is synonymous with freedom. Starting right now, be thankful for your past and know that your future can be completely independent of it. It's time for a breakthrough. Happy Independence Day!