A Myopic Heart

A Myopic Heart

First posted 07:40pm (Mla time) June 17, 2005
By Katrina Holigores
Inquirer News Service



Editor's Note: Published on page E2 of the June 18, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


THEY say that love is blind. I say that all it needs is a good pair of glasses. For most of my life I have been visually dependent on contacts or spectacles. Even if photography or cinematography was my passion of choice, I could get by in my profession without 20/20 vision due to outside "help." Perfect sight is something that is often taken for granted, I see how the younger generation stares endlessly into their computer monitors and I have to restrain myself from lecturing them about the perils of being slave to one's ophthalmologist and optometrist.

Oh don't worry I'm not about to lecture you (do you have adequate lighting while you're reading this?) When your eyesight starts to fail, you are slipped on a pair of frames (with all kinds of shapes and sizes) or a plethora of contact lenses that range from soft, to hard, and even to colored. But enough is enough, after 15 years of looking at life through sometimes rose, green, or yellow tinted glasses I decided to book myself for laser eye surgery.

Under the knife

The last time I've ever had to undergo any kind of operation was when I was 6. I was feeling invincible and running as fast as the wind. Unfortunately, unlike the wind, when I slammed straight into a steel pole I didn't pass through it gracefully, I kind of splattered. That was my first brush with a surgeon's knife and needle. Now, more than two decades later I find myself at The American Eye Institute; I don't know exactly what to expect but my eyes (literally) were fixed on a goal, to read, play, dance and move with NOTHING covering them except uh, vitreous fluids. As Dr. Jack Arroyo sat down with me (after like a 100 tests) he pulled out a 3D model of the eye... or eyeball, he took it apart meticulously explaining to me the ins and outs of why my eyesight was how it was, what he was going to do... (Yes, I zoned out) But my mind was otherwise engaged in a more fascinating line of thought. Could science one day be able to explain what exactly makes LOVE go blind??

What happens when we are sideswiped by attraction... normal or fatal in nature? Figuratively speaking, the heart doesn't abide by the more rational senses that differentiate us humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. Falling for someone just happens, whether your heartthrob resembles Mr. Frodo or Mr. Smith. It gets complicated when personal desires and willfulness override the pure feelings of the heart. In other words, instead of seeing what's really in front of you, you WILL to see what you WANT. There is a saying that goes "The one who loves, loses." Before you throw me dagger looks allow me to explain (are you squinting?).

Blinded by love

It is never easy for one to look the truth in the eye. Perhaps your best friend is in a relationship and you have to bite your tongue every time you're asked what you think about his/her newest beau? All of a sudden this soul mate of yours has decided to join forces with a creep from hell. Even if creep from hell has not done anything directly to you, you can swear there is a lingering stench of brimstone when said creep is in the vicinity. I exaggerate of course, but I bet my left eyeball or ventricle that you know exactly what I mean. Your friend is not willing to listen to reason becoming oblivious to the obvious. And you? Have you ever been in love with someone that EVERYONE thought was so wrong for you? Yet you fought for your (ahem) love, and several years later when the dust cleared and the emotional damage is done you sheepishly face your friends steeling yourself for the usual "I told you so's."

Even without family, friends (and even enemies) cajoling us, deep down, we KNOW more about our "better" (or worse) half than we care to admit. We are all victims of double vision; which doesn't mean that we see fantastic things twice but rather we blur our inner sight to see what we desire, leaving us "blind" to a harsher reality. When you have started to replace the person in front of you with the image that you want, then love ceases to exist. You start to make excuses for why he/she treats you this/that way, why he/she does/doesn't do this/that. When this starts to happen, your hearts' eyes need a checkup. But do you really want to see? If not, then you are destined to be nearsighted for a long and even painful time.

We may never have a formal institution or a Dr. Arroyo to fully explain what caused our heart temporary blindness. But we do possess something that can remind us of what may come to pass. Ironically, it's called hindsight, and it's always 20/20.