Cleaning the Mess

Cleaning the mess

First posted 05:44am (Mla time) June 25, 2005
By Katrina Holigores
Inquirer News Service



Editor's Note: Published on page C2 of the June 25, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


IT'S NOT often that people can spark a revolution. There are many non-conformists but they do not necessarily inspire a people into action. Some try to make a statement through scandal or intrigue, because it's easier. There is "shock therapy" conveyed via jolting (often gory) images, inappropriate words or phrases in order to create an impact. These are heavily ingrained in media, as most viewers and readers have shorter and shorter attention spans, so the theme of the subject must give as much information as possible in the quickest possible time.

This weekend let's shift our attention away from the outside world and focus on an internal revolution that could take place within minutes. When was the last time you were moved to do something that was for change? Not necessarily for the rest of mankind but for yourself? What I am going to explain is certainly not an original thought and it has been practiced by many civilizations before me. It has the power to rid one of excess...and we have all heard that too much of a good thing... is, well, not really good at all.

It's called fasting, and no, fasting is not necessarily starving. I remember a rather cruel (but funny joke) a colleague once shared with me in the past. "How do you scare a group of models?" "Offer them dessert:" (ha ha) Ok, my apologies for the generalization. I guess I'm proud (and a bit ashamed) of my tremendous appetite, and for that, someone like me has to resort to fasting every once in a while. Why fasting? Some may call it a purge, or a cleanse. Call it what you will but one to two days of no taking in of solids or impure liquids (alcoholic or softdrink beverages) will give your digestive system a rest.

Look under the hood

There are days that you feel sluggish, in a bad mood, unmotivated and uninspired. You call to your inner muses to help you out and they don't seem to be listening. Of course there may be other factors and there may be too many to list down here, but always bear in mind that whatever you put INSIDE your body sooner or later is going to affect what goes on outside. If you love your car you would never put the wrong kind of petrol in it, you take it for tune-ups, oil changes, get its tires checked... what about your body? When was the last time you looked under your hood? (I can bet it's in a bit of a mess.)

It's not going to affect your muscle mass or weight maintenance if you decide to stop exercising for two days. If you fast properly you can continue to be active during the fast; but again, not excessively. Cut your gym or cardio workout to half of what you normally do, that way the body is still moving and burning what it needs but is not getting too tired. And remember, the body was made to move, but at the same time, it needs to recharge. When the body is at rest, the mind is allowed rest too. There is less stress involved since (in my opinion) the hardest working system that we 24/7 food loving Filipinos possess is the digestive one.

We often want to take breaks from work, from people and that's why we do something to just "get" away. So now and then, if you want an internal overhaul then the best way to do it is to give your stomach a rest. This is not easy to do, and you have to possess the proper mindset to see it through. Looking at the bigger picture, for one day of no junk food, no animal products, and no sweets, you may get a clearer mind, deeper sleep and rejuvenation. Your body doesn't have to work as hard during a fast, and your mind is at ease because instead of thinking of where the next meal is coming from (aside from the millions of other things it has to think of) it has one less task to be responsible for.

No limit

All you need is a steady supply of mineral water (not distilled, mineral, so read your labels) and a bunch of American lemons (look, there are no substitutes here so calamansi is not going to cut it). Take your room temperature glass of water with a squeeze of lemon. There is no limit, take as much as you can from the minute you wake up to the minute you sleep, and remember, don't gulp, sip or drink in a relaxed state. Be aware of what you're doing and you will feel more relaxed and less anxious.

Fasting gives one more time for contemplation. Buddhists, Hindus, Christians and Muslims often fast because they say a clean body gives one a clean mind and a heightened sense and stronger connection to the divine. Need inspiration? Experience the absolute high of a body that has rid itself of some internal garbage.

If we don't start with our bodies, then the very vehicle that houses our creative minds, our passionate hearts and our enlightened spirits will not take us to where we want to go next. Time to clean up.

A Myopic Heart

A Myopic Heart

First posted 07:40pm (Mla time) June 17, 2005
By Katrina Holigores
Inquirer News Service



Editor's Note: Published on page E2 of the June 18, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


THEY say that love is blind. I say that all it needs is a good pair of glasses. For most of my life I have been visually dependent on contacts or spectacles. Even if photography or cinematography was my passion of choice, I could get by in my profession without 20/20 vision due to outside "help." Perfect sight is something that is often taken for granted, I see how the younger generation stares endlessly into their computer monitors and I have to restrain myself from lecturing them about the perils of being slave to one's ophthalmologist and optometrist.

Oh don't worry I'm not about to lecture you (do you have adequate lighting while you're reading this?) When your eyesight starts to fail, you are slipped on a pair of frames (with all kinds of shapes and sizes) or a plethora of contact lenses that range from soft, to hard, and even to colored. But enough is enough, after 15 years of looking at life through sometimes rose, green, or yellow tinted glasses I decided to book myself for laser eye surgery.

Under the knife

The last time I've ever had to undergo any kind of operation was when I was 6. I was feeling invincible and running as fast as the wind. Unfortunately, unlike the wind, when I slammed straight into a steel pole I didn't pass through it gracefully, I kind of splattered. That was my first brush with a surgeon's knife and needle. Now, more than two decades later I find myself at The American Eye Institute; I don't know exactly what to expect but my eyes (literally) were fixed on a goal, to read, play, dance and move with NOTHING covering them except uh, vitreous fluids. As Dr. Jack Arroyo sat down with me (after like a 100 tests) he pulled out a 3D model of the eye... or eyeball, he took it apart meticulously explaining to me the ins and outs of why my eyesight was how it was, what he was going to do... (Yes, I zoned out) But my mind was otherwise engaged in a more fascinating line of thought. Could science one day be able to explain what exactly makes LOVE go blind??

What happens when we are sideswiped by attraction... normal or fatal in nature? Figuratively speaking, the heart doesn't abide by the more rational senses that differentiate us humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. Falling for someone just happens, whether your heartthrob resembles Mr. Frodo or Mr. Smith. It gets complicated when personal desires and willfulness override the pure feelings of the heart. In other words, instead of seeing what's really in front of you, you WILL to see what you WANT. There is a saying that goes "The one who loves, loses." Before you throw me dagger looks allow me to explain (are you squinting?).

Blinded by love

It is never easy for one to look the truth in the eye. Perhaps your best friend is in a relationship and you have to bite your tongue every time you're asked what you think about his/her newest beau? All of a sudden this soul mate of yours has decided to join forces with a creep from hell. Even if creep from hell has not done anything directly to you, you can swear there is a lingering stench of brimstone when said creep is in the vicinity. I exaggerate of course, but I bet my left eyeball or ventricle that you know exactly what I mean. Your friend is not willing to listen to reason becoming oblivious to the obvious. And you? Have you ever been in love with someone that EVERYONE thought was so wrong for you? Yet you fought for your (ahem) love, and several years later when the dust cleared and the emotional damage is done you sheepishly face your friends steeling yourself for the usual "I told you so's."

Even without family, friends (and even enemies) cajoling us, deep down, we KNOW more about our "better" (or worse) half than we care to admit. We are all victims of double vision; which doesn't mean that we see fantastic things twice but rather we blur our inner sight to see what we desire, leaving us "blind" to a harsher reality. When you have started to replace the person in front of you with the image that you want, then love ceases to exist. You start to make excuses for why he/she treats you this/that way, why he/she does/doesn't do this/that. When this starts to happen, your hearts' eyes need a checkup. But do you really want to see? If not, then you are destined to be nearsighted for a long and even painful time.

We may never have a formal institution or a Dr. Arroyo to fully explain what caused our heart temporary blindness. But we do possess something that can remind us of what may come to pass. Ironically, it's called hindsight, and it's always 20/20.

Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

WE are all subject to moods. Being human, we're not expected to perpetually be even tempered, light and bubbly, no matter our choice of beverage. When asked about this some blame the weather, others the immediate surroundings, and for the Freud loving, the past. Nothing can equal a good old fashioned rant and rave. It sometimes feels super to cuss out loud, to think violent thoughts about your worst enemy (or best friend) or plot the annihilation of bus drivers in the metropolis.
The point is, we all sink low at one time or another and we say and think awful things. Even if we know we have to rise up from our pit of darkness and go forward, wallowing in misery and self pity can be comforting. At least when you're at the bottom of the heap, you know exactly where you are. Right? (Pass me the Prozac please.)
In Anthony Robbins' (yes the gargantuan man in Shallow Hal) book, Awaken the Giant Within, he points to two triggers that are crucial in our decision making process. These are: Pleasure and Pain -- for fans of the Sandman series, The Agony and the Ecstasy.
Avoid pain
The majority choose to avoid pain. This avoidance sometimes leads to denial, and denial can then lead to demise (and I don't just mean in the physical sense). Pain and pleasure are of course subjective. I have seen grown men risk their lives for the pleasure of the thrill of jumping out a perfectly good airplane... and then cower and quiver in fear at the sight of a teeny tiny needle aimed at their rear end. A woman will allow herself the agony of hunger in order to feel ecstasy when she easily slips into her little black dress.
These are examples on a simplistic plane, what I would like to focus on has much deeper roots. Pain is up to a person's perception, and when it is put in a positive light (positive?) it can actually lift you to a whole new level. How so? Look at it this way. We all have issues. Some I admit, more than others. Issues can be reworded as baggage or fears.
Unless you are one of the enlightened ones (i.e. NOT Anakin), the very thought of facing one's fears is as scary as a facelift gone bad. We all have to choose which path to take in life, be it school, major, job, romantic partner or lifelong partner. Subconsciously (think about it now in hindsight) we actually weighed the pain-pleasure principle before making our decision.
When we do not acknowledge what brings us pain, then we will not know what will ultimately give us pleasure. Do you notice how you often have "blasts" from the past? Situations, people, songs, lines from movies that make you recall (and recoil at) unpleasant and or traumatic memories?
Influenced by a memory
Let me make this clearer. You will know that you are still being influenced by a memory (or a fear) if you still react to it in a negative, even spiteful manner. The wound has not healed and instead of finding out its true cause, you choose to ignore it. When you see the former love of your life walking in the mall hand in hand with your former best friend and the first thing that springs to mind is bloodlust... then rest assured this experience will affect your outlook on your future relationships, both in love and in friendship. Instead of moving up you slide back down. It is a crappy feeling not wanting to trust anyone again, especially yourself and your taste!
Can you relate? Look, I'm not saying that your bone-head ex and your equally bone-headed ex friend should be canonized. I'm just saying that they are still alive (Why God, Why?) to REMIND you of what you really feel. As one of my favorite authors wrote, "Stop refusing to acknowledge what life is showing you about yourself." Ouch.
When you go on selective memory mode, at some point you're going to have a breakdown. Set yourself free from the traumas that entrap you (and they always come when you least expect them, making it doubly harder) and have a pain "breakthrough" instead.
The Taoists believe that if you really want to get over something (like an obsession) then you either drop it completely or saturate yourself with it. This is going to sound very unpalatable but try to drown yourself in the feeling of disgust, betrayal, anger etc., etc., you feel towards person A or situation A. One day, you wake up, and you are no longer affected. Why? Because you're fed up with feeling like... (cuss word here).
The word independence is synonymous with freedom. Starting right now, be thankful for your past and know that your future can be completely independent of it. It's time for a breakthrough. Happy Independence Day!

Trigger Happy

Trigger Happy First posted 10:12pm (Mla time) June 03, 2005 By Katrina HoligoresInquirer News Service Editor's Note: Published on page D2 of the June 4, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

SAY CHEESE! Filipinos are nuts about taking photos. Anywhere and everywhere they go, we snap away. We are self-appointed paparazzi - with the twist of having ourselves as the celebrity du jour. Our parents of course are one step above, taking photos of us right out of the womb -- literally -- and proceeding to document every single style disaster and/or triumph we go through in our lives. Do you want to forget your prom (or at least your date)? It's guaranteed that there is enough proof on film to never let you forget it! Some photos are to be cherished; some are used for comic relief, others for blackmail. With the advent of camera-equipped cellphones (one model even offers two--go figure), it's almost impossible to escape a photo op.

Recently, I came across a business that creates "scrapbooks" for other people. This struck me as odd. When I was younger, a scrapbook was a very personal piece of work, almost like a visual diary, and I would never think of anyone else doing it for me. At least, with the exception of my mom who religiously turned my baby book into a glorious work of evidence of my existence at par with the files of CSI Las Vegas, Miami and New York. Photo albums lined my room and my family room, labeled carefully with notes on each trip and each occasion. The photo albums are now replaced by computer files or CDs but the contents are the same. Inside lies a treasure trove of what has come to pass.

Visual recording

Today, we celebrate the 2nd birthday of Super! That's a total of around 96 Saturdays of visually recording the past 24 months' goings on. Though still in its infancy, Super! has given many unknown photographers and writers a voice. There were many styles and countless layouts produced, it remains true to one thing--its fixation on youth empowerment. It is foolish to compress any generation into one neat little package, hence a cacophony of expression has ensued through Super!'s numerous print outs. One has a choice of reading a simple, almost fluffy retelling of an event, to an exploration of the esoteric meaning of life (sometimes from the same writer). Like a person going through puberty (or a mid-life crisis), phases and personalities are revealed. What is consistent is that "The Now" is highlighted. And if we don't know how to live in the present, then we don't know how to live.

Look back

Most of us document our reality via diaries (or now blogs), photos (phlogs), videos (www.manyak.com--kidding) and for some, kiss and tell stories from their exes (those b*stards!). When we look back at where and what we've been, we get a good gauge of what direction we should be looking at for our future. Often, we charge through life with blinders on, forgetting where we came from or what made us the most happy. When we stop to look back on what brought us the most joy, we begin to question if we are where we want to be. A photo album, aside from bringing forth laughter or groans of embarrassment, makes us remember the good, the bad and the moments that make us what we are today. Memories trigger something in us and remind us of what we had wanted to do once upon a time when there were no such things as "limitations."
They say when you wish for something, you must wish the way a child does. Think or dream big and be engulfed in the feeling that is brought forth when you affirm that nothing is impossible. It's true, once upon a time, you actually dated that *&%$! and survived. What could be harder? Seriously, compare yourself then, to now, isn't it cool that you are (hopefully) a little more hip and perhaps a lot wiser? Go and look over the visual memories of you or the people in your past that were lovingly archived for reflection. Search for old letters, book reports, essays, agenda entries or anything that was reminiscent of your beliefs and values in the recent or distant past. Change was and is inevitable and now you have proof of it. Knowledge (and acceptance) of one's beginnings attribute to a stronger sense of self. Once we know what is home and where our roots are, the more confidence we have to fly out to the unexplored.

Be grateful

Memories can be a safe haven and a comfort zone for us but they should not hinder our growth. In fact, they should allow us to be freer, with the awareness that we have been through so much and that we will go through much, much more! This weekend, spend some time in your past. Be grateful for the bridges you have built and the ones that you (for your own maturity) had to break off. Looking back will give you more fuel to move forward.
Don't forget your camera and smile.

Katrina Holigores is a contributor to the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Playing By The Rules

Playing by the Rules

In the game of life we often hear ourselves crying out “foul!” We feel cheated, discredited, unjustly passed over as we go through the motions of moving from point A to B. At an early age most of us are programmed by figures of authority be it family or faculty members that happiness is equated to being the best at something (or everything). The rules seemed simple enough. Study hard=good grades=good job. Good looking=popular=choice of relationships. Good family=good spouse=good marriage. I’m simplifying things a bit, but you get the gist. Reality then hits when even after abiding by the rules dictated by parents, teachers, peers or society that we are NOWHERE near the pinnacle of happiness or fulfillment we desire. The awareness of this strikes a painful, sometimes fatal blow on our self esteem and we are in danger of living the rest of our life on auto-pilot.

The Great Escape
For those who are in the process of creating a future for themselves, the road ahead is not a smooth one. Career or relationship wise there are many hurdles to get over and at some point throwing up one’s hands and wondering out loud why we even bother is normal. Escapism sets in, the lure of partying the night away, drowning sorrows in alcohol, mind altering drugs and/ or superficial relationships that do not require commitment or emotional investment seem so much SAFER. Life has thrown you a curveball and perhaps it is better to give up and just watch from the sidelines. Look around you, for many people you know (and maybe yourself?), it’s game over.

Though I am certainly not a fan of hip hop (or is it R&B?), I spend a lot of time on the road constantly changing the radio dial listening out for something new. Although the ipod shuffle promises a random (surprise!!) selection of songs, for me that’s cheating. Recently, I heard a song which was predominantly in rap that I wish to share with those who have relocated themselves to the sidelines. The song was called “Hope” and in spite of some of the words being WAY too fast for me to absorb in their entirety the message was simple. Part of the chorus was “Be hopeful, and He’ll make a way...” Now, for the purpose of religious and non-religious preferences, let’s just replace “He” with the word life. When we no longer allow ourselves to hope, then we have committed spiritual suicide.

How can we, through pain, past issues or current ones, keep our chin up, look ahead and soldier on? Bear in mind that disappointments are directly caused by our expectations. Just because things don’t work out the way we EXPECTED them to is no indication that NOTHING will ever work out. Instead of focusing on what did not work out, why don’t we try something else?

Be grateful

No one likes an ungracious guest at an event. Life included, so since you were important enough to be invited to its party, then thank yous are in order, don’t you think? You then groan “Be thankful for what?” One look at the headlines, the news, or even the state of your personal affairs and being thankful is the FARTHEST thing from your mind. Sometimes we focus on what is missing rather then what is already there. If you would like to wake up each day with a brighter, lighter outlook on your life then it’s time to get down and get grateful. Here’s one way you can start off:

Get a notebook and a pen, the notebook can be fancy, but chances are you will never write it in. Something practical will do. Everyday write down three things, no more, no less that you are GRATEFUL for. It doesn’t matter what time of the day you start as long as you DO get those three items in. Your grateful entries don’t have to be deep or complicated; they can be completed in a single sentence. Your personality will shine through when you start to write, you can make them funny, poetic, or bullet points, the only rule here is to MEAN what you say. Before the day is over, take time out to go over what you wrote.

Here’s what happens, from reading something as simple as “Today I am grateful that I had three full meals”, “Today I am grateful that no one I love is suffering from illness.” “Today I am grateful for finding parking when I got to work”; there is a little layer of heaviness removed from inside of you. Now you are looking at the positive occurrences in your life, and these occurrences happen to you EVERY SINGLE DAY. Wow, when you actually think about it, something, no, at LEAST three wonderful things happen to you on a DAILY basis. When you wake up in the morning, perhaps to start the day writing “I am grateful today for waking up” you may glance at what you wrote previously, and trust me, when you begin your day with the awareness of what you can be THANKFUL for, your outlook for your future starts to change….for the better.

Life does play fair. We just have to follow some of its rules. Just remember how good it is to be a lifetime member.